-inspired by the vivid and horrid recollections of my first womanly check-up
Come back with me momma,
I can't do this alone.
His assistant tells me to undress momma,
I thought my body was my own.
He's pressing on my chest momma,
You said a man should never touch me this way.
"Spread your legs and relax", that's what he just said momma,
You really ought' to stay.
I've never felt so uncomfortable momma,
What's he looking for again?
My legs are awfully shaky momma,
When is he going to begin?
His head's terribly close now momma,
Can you please tell me why?
His fingers hurt me momma,
I desperately wish to cry.
"Everything looks good" momma,
I beg for your advice.
How do I respond to his body momma,
Cause' that physical was jerking-ly naughty, not so very nice.
This was a very vivid and fascinating recollection. Nice tone and the structure ending with "momma" every other sentence signified a child-like emotion. When things are scary or uncertain, we always want someone we trust around. My favorite lines were the last two "How do I respond to his body momma, Cause' that physical was jerking-ly naughty, not so very nice". Those ending lines radiate with innocence, which is portrayed throughout the entire poem. The ab ab structure was nice as well. The poem encompasses relatability and profound emotion. Overall I'd say it represents the essence of the moment, which could be very a traumatic experience.
ReplyDeleteOne issue that we'll want to tackle is tonal register and hyperbolic subject matter. Sure, we can write about any "subject." Trying to master a more objective tonal register, however, will be key in terms of speaking of trauma, horror, etc. It may seem racy and gutsy to write about such issues, but it can become as expected as the "love is a prison" type of high school poem that we discussed. How to guard against this? Read deeply. Read how other poets handle these difficult subjects. Sydney, I want you to absorb some of Sharon Olds's poems. That's your assignment. See how she navigates this difficult terrain.
ReplyDeleteI can definitely relate to this vivid recollection of your first womanly check-up, Syndey. I really enjoy how you’ve written it as if you’re a small child, and I’m going to assume that you were much older than you’re pretending to be here. It is interesting because most people really do revert to their young, fearful selves when undergoing something embarrassing like this. I like that the rhyming elements feel so elementary because they solidify the poem’s juvenile and immature feel.
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