Response 1, Week 2: Ben's improv 1, week 2

Ben, first of all I love that you did an Improv' piece to A Martian Sends A Postcard Home, it's a great piece to work off of. I see some interesting uses of concrete imagery being used here, such as: "lone crimson eye rises". However, I also see a lack of concrete imagery. I think that you have began a peculiar and arousing piece of work, but I think that you need to be more grounded with these "destructive creatures". I would like to see more tangibles, more sentient things. For example, in the line "And they exile there waste to vast lands, / Forming mountains of nothing" you could use something like: And they shoulder their brown, blubbery fat to colossal dung-heaps, / forming mountains of self-made clay." Of course, this is just and example. You have a wonderful opportunity to transform this piece into something very vivid and horrifying, so do it! :)