Calisthenic exercise in class:
The ladies on the tennis court laughed
their country club laughs
inching up their bloomers.
So what about all this politic
and this insipid walnut salad
cover and smothered in
bleech?
Lovely, he said,
as the egg glistened from the counter top
For once in her pathetic life
she won the poker game
The eyes of peacok feathers and
her hands smothered in french toast
Lovely imagery you’ve gotten out of this calisthenics exercise, I must say. I particularly enjoyed “inching up their bloomers,” “insipid walnut salad / cover and smothered,” “egg glistened from the counter top,” and “hands smothered in French toast,” which, when you look, is nearly the entire draft. That’s just great material, such a small, tight piece giving off so much wonderful work. Great job.
ReplyDeleteSuggestions for future work: do keep expanding as you draft. I feel this piece could do with just a little more public-izing, but I am also aware that that comes with time and expansion, especially on a calisthenics piece. I think this could definitely go places, and I look forward to future drafts.