- Peer Response #1. Emmanuel's Improv' 2, Week 8
First of all, I think you did a nice job with this improvisation. I particularly like the way you are really working to transform your own piece out of the original text; a lot of times it is hard to create an original draft out of another poem already written by someone else. Of course, your improv does mirror several aspects of the original text, but there are also very clear distinctions between the two. On the one hand, I like the overarching idea of "Church Calendar".... I actually would love to see you work this improv piece into a more extensive draft; you have a lot of material that can be expanded upon. On the other hand, I also know that if you decide to play around more with this draft in the future, you will need to work construction. By this, I mean that you will simply need to work toward creating a draft that is not so reflect of the original work. Nonetheless, you have several good moments of odd language and imagery... I want you to flesh these images out more, though; so much potential here! :)
- Peer Response #2. Pauline's Free Entry, Week 8.
Just so you know, I adore you. I am absolutely tickled by this draft- from the working title, down to the end of the piece, I am smiling. I really like the way you have started the piece with providing such a specific, inventoried list of seemingly domestic appliances. What's more, I LOVE the middle: "Bad days breed bad humor which can only / be assuaged by good friends, good food, or good sex, none of which are on today's menu"... fabulous! In all honesty, I cannot decide on whether or not I want more information about why these particulars are indicative of relief, but I do think it would be worth the while to expand and elaborate these idea ever more... especially in regards to what the narrator considers to be "good" friends, food, or sex... and why exactly none of these items aren't 'on today's menu'. Again, great job- I would love to an expansion of this draft.
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