- Peer Response (#1) to: Brandy's Free Entry, Week Eleven:
For one, I'm not so sure how I feel about all the italics. Now don't get me wrong, I can be an italics Nazi, but along with that I recognize when it's being used in excess.
Nonetheless, since you noted that this piece is a compilation of last week's calisthenic exercise, I think you have some pretty rock-star ideas "rockin'" throughout. :)
So, since you have such an awesome working title, why not try and approach this draft from the perspective of the Cookie Monster? There is an exercise that provides examples of how to go about doing this sort of thing in our book... I'm sure you have heard Dr. Davidson reference or mention the exercise in class.
So then, I think starting that way might be pretty cool... and you wouldn't necessarily have to cut out any of the material you already have, just mold it in a way that will fit or work in regards to the Cookie Monster. I wanna see this draft!!!
- Peer Response (#2) to: Casey's Improv' 2, Week Ten:
Casey,
I think the draft does well in terms of being an example of good writing, by way of presenting some pretty concrete images. However, I wonder if this piece isn't too closely related to the original. I know the draft is an improvisational piece, but I think there needs to be more creative material; and maybe more "fleshing" out the ideas in the draft.
I say this, because I'm not all too sure I understand exactly what is taking place within the draft, or why. There isn't much background information or even really present information given for the readership. I think, however, this is a relatively simple fix. I know you are a strong writer, so I don't doubt for a minute that you would be able to easily go back and tweak some of these things.
Nonetheless, I think this whole idea of acting and children performing on stage is a really interesting concept, and I wonder what 'Fountain' has to do with it? Again, maybe just try fleshing out these ideas more. :)
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