It should have been romantic. Arms wrapped around an Italian
guy, back of a Vespa
in the mountains of Italy at night. But I sang one of your
songs the whole way—imagined your fingers were wind, tracing the features of my
face as you say if I ever went blind.
There
was a stop on the way back to Bologna—he parked on the curb and we wound a
trail into dark stars. I admit, he held my hand, led me from my fumbling on creek
pebbles into the water and then behind a waterfall. It should have been
romantic. But the smell of moss and fresh fish made me sick. He must have
noticed my queasy stance, mistook it for chills and offered his jacket—swept
the straggling hairs from my face with the grace of willow limbs—suggested we go
sit on the ledge, admire the view. There should have been romance. But when I
asked about the tower, quiet on its hill and refusing the stars any shine, he
said brewery. I admit I wanted
something more, something expected. Like you expecting me at the train
station—promising you a drink, a good time out on the town in the city I’d be
in a year. Though we both lost ourselves in the club just the night before, to
the alleys, to the peeling back of grilled cheese grease. We should have been
romantic. Here, in this place where everything gets
packaged the same. 
Sydney, like the recursivity of this piece, the “It should have been romantic as a common thread weaving through…however, I am wondering if this common phrase can work a bit harder, be a little more direct and original. Nice double toggle between one man and another. It seems that the speaker is coming to some type of realization of the importance of what feels like the primary relationship, which comes across more real with song, fingers, grilled cheese. However, there are a few places such as “a good time out on the town” to delete for tiredness of phrasing. At the end “We should have been romantic…” it’s not totally clear which of the men the speaker refers to. At first I assumed it was the grilled cheese guy, and maybe it is, however, it’s the second “We”…and the first “we” was Vespa guy. What about using you and I to denote grilled cheese? And how does everything get packaged the same in Bologna? Especially liked the way these phrases worked, “your fingers were wind, tracing the features of my face,”
ReplyDelete“we wound a trail into dark stars,” “the smell of moss and fresh fish made me sick.” “The peeling back of grilled cheese grease.” Jo