From the looks of this blog entry, you have very little
issue(s) with generating material onto the page and reporting particulars of a
specific moment. I commend you—for some, students reportage tends to be one of
the more difficult assignments to understand and manage. With this being said,
though, I took note of a few instances in this entry that could stand some
poetic manicuring. First of all, after a free-write such as this—one without
any strictures or pressure on creating poetic boundaries within your
free-flowing creative writing process—make the effort to revisit the draft
(after some distancing, of course). Once, however, you do revisit the draft,
begin with creative erasure. That is, work through the draft, very carefully,
word-for-word, and erase any language that sounds too journalistic or reads too
much like a narrative. Also, as you go along, be on the lookout for words that
gravitate towards “telling” language, instead of showing the image being described. As a
result, you’ll probably notice, fairly easily, which cater more to the
syllable-heavy, to the Latinate—these words you’ll want to chisel down, sharpen them
with punchier, Germanic words. After using creative erasure, reread your draft.
I assure you it will read and sound strange; it probably will not make much
sense—but that’s perfectly okay, actually this is exactly what you want to
happen. Next, try your hand at reworking the new material into a stylized
draft. Force yourself to pay attention to line breaks, make your ears listen to
the way words sounds together (assonance), let images lead you and not vice
versa.
I want you to know that I am very proud of you, Emily.
Although I am still vaguely unfamiliar with your writing techniques and
stylistics, I know you’ve been working extremely hard for the past five
weeks—and I couldn’t have been more impressed with the draft you read for us. I
always will respect a writer who works hard, is open to constructive criticism,
and appreciates the trade for the trade.
Good luck—and if you need anything do not hesitate to ask
me.
All the best,
Sydney
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