I waited for you. For the mailman to deposit a letter in my
handmade mail slot every day since you walked out. Today was that day I hoped.
That he would hand me an ivory card with gold stamps pressed on the edges that
had the reek of dandelions and filthy socks, that was your style. That the
mailmen would say that no return address would be found and that it was postmarked for ten years after the day you left . Scribbled in Pig Latin, the words
you struggled to teach me for 2 days, then another ten to memorize were jotted
down in immediate fashion. The message said “keep studying”.
My Critical Commentary:
Daniel,
I totally dig this improvisation piece. Though, as I'm sure you are already aware, there needs to be more background, more history, about the speaker and the unnamed 'you' of the draft. I want particulars of the relationship (which, interestingly enough, is a rather strange and questionable one at that): is this a lover or a mentor? Why did s/he leave and why is the speaker waiting? Why all this elusiveness? It seems that both the 'you' and the speaker of the draft are both withholding information. But for what cause or reason? To what ends? I want to suppose the 'you' is female--mostly because of the detail about Pig Latin (that I initially associate with girls). I want more of this intimacy as well. Why was s/he trying to teach the speaker Pig Latin? You do such a wonderful job with sensual images/details--but I want to know the significances of them, or at least a few of them. Yes? This improvisation seems, too, quiet different than your others that I've read, in so far as style and syntax goes. I like it--though I think to merge this more prosy/narrative approach with your jazzy, quick style would be interesting and fresh.
Though this goes unsaid: you're awesome.
And so it goes,
Syd
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