"Things to Do in the Belly of the Whale" by Dan Albergotti
Measure the walls. Count the ribs. Notch the long days.
Look up for blue sky through the spout. Make small fires
with the broken hulls of fishing boats. Practice smoke signals.
Call old friends, and listen for echoes of distant voices.
Organize your calendar. Dream of the beach. Look each way
for the dim glow of light. Work on your reports. Review
each of your life's ten million choices. Endure moments
of self-loathing. Find the evidence of those before you.
Destroy it. Try to be very quiet, and listen for the sound
of gears and moving water. Listen for the sound of your heart.
Be thankful that you are here, swallowed with all hope,
where you can rest and wait. Be nostalgic. Think of all
the things you did and could have done. Remember
treading water in the center of the still night sea, your toes
pointing again and again down, down into the black depths.
My improv' : Things to Do in the Den of Many Lions
Finger the surface around. Count to disreguard the count of foes. Kneel
on naked knees. Look up for unnumbered smiling blessings in a black
ocean through steal bars. Make one grand fire with the satraps pride,
ignited by the hot breath of grace. Practice teaching feline friends tricks
of the trade. Whistle a catchy Sunday song, and listen for the baratone
choir of manely voices. Leave your daily agenda untounched. Dream
of blinding light, four flesh eaters, the Ancient of Days surfing on a cloud-
board in blue sky. Work on carving prophesies in stone. Find the evidence
of those damned around you, carnivorous crusaders. Destroy it. Try
to be very quite, and listen for the sound of idoltary crying bitterly, lion's
smacks of satisfied snarling stomachs, a quick lap around the lips
with the twirl of tongue, fresh blood burying itself in the centers
of taste buds. Listen for the knocking of your heart against an untouched
chest. Be thankful that you are here, nesting with all hope, where you
can rest and wait. Be diligent. Think of no better way you could spend
those long days. Remember curling up in just-groomed fur in the center
of the still snoring pack, your head looking again and again up, up
into the hard sealed safe of a peaceful den.
Sydney,
ReplyDeleteI love many of the 'activities' you list, especially "Work on carving prophesies in stone," and "a quick lap around the lips with the twirl of the tongue." Your inventive "manely" adds humor, but 'tricks of the trade" sounds too cliche. More imagery might be needed there. Alberghotti's poem juxtaposes its text against the biblically-themed title which makes it seem more absurd. Your draft uses biblical language in both, so perhaps a different title would create the same dynamic--something about a circus, maybe. I would enjoy seeing a contracted version, perhaps in a different form, because it is a fun read. (Be sure to run your spellcheck, too!) Nice work!
Sydney,
ReplyDeleteYour list is well crafted. I love the line "kneel on naked knees", great use of alliteration and it leads into the biblical references nicely. I also like the way you use two sentences, "Destiny it", and "Be diligent", to break up the string of long sentences. Both phrases are forceful and to the point.