Peer Response 2, Week 6: Candis' Calisthenics- Week 6

Candis,
I like the direction this draft is headed. First of all, I feel like the beginning of your calisthenic warm-up is a great way to get your mind flowing with ideas, and it seems like you did a nice job of just writing without a specific subject/topic in mind, which really gives you room to play around with language and also with finding/exploring some awesome ideas for a piece. Secondly, I think that the draft has started off in a good direction (especially after being assembled from the above warm-up), however, I do think that there needs to be more grounding language. By this, I mean that I would like to see you working with more verbs that very specifically show me what I'm reading. Also, I would like to see you using more proper nouns. I want to know the "too right bastard", and who [she] is. What kind of character is she? Remember: Show, don't tell! :)