Peer Respone (X2), Week 3

Peer Response (1): Brandy's Free Entry 1, Week 3:

• First of all, this is a very interesting draft; enjoyable and at odds with the "familiar". One of the more fastinating aspects of the piece is the manipulation of language, the ways in which you have chosen to show-in each stanza-a particular scene/image. In addition, the way you have implemented both mythology and religion provides the reader with a general idea (or overall understanding) of the discursive framework itself. However, I would suggest (if you intend to work with this draft in the future) that you excavate the soil a little more deeply. By this, I mean that there seems to be a tad too much ambiguity and/or lack of information to fully grasp what exactly is happening or taking place in the draft. With more elaborate details and specificity, the reader will have more rooom to flirt with the images and ideas being shown. Needless to say, I tihnk the draft has a lot of room to grow, expand, and produce ripe fruit. Nice job :)

Peer Response (2): Sheila's Free Entry, Week 2:

• Sheila,

Never fear, your comment is here! (cheesy huh?)

But seriously... down to business:
First of all, you have an overall interesting image working here. The draft does well with showing images, and also with specificity. I would suggest that you work on exapanding the draft out, making sure to add in enough information so that the reader is able to understand what is taking place (grasping the general idea), and also so the reader can distinguish-more inimitately-the narrator's voice. What's more, with pouring in elements such as: subject, style, voice, culture, etc., the draft (and the characters/images within) will come to life. In addition, I would try and be mindful of exclamatory sentences/the exclamation point. I suggest this because the purpose (as I'm sure know) of the exclamation mark is to acknowledge and elicit a very specific and particular tonal registar, a risky level of expression that is, often times, forceful in an overly hyperactive sentimental fashion; and if used too freely, the impact has lost its flare, and the desired dramatic effect becomes reduced.

I think it would be fascinating to see you tinker around with "juggling" in this piece. Dr. Davidson has a nice little informational bout explaining what exactly it means to 'juggle' various subjects (and how to do so in an effective manner). (page # is 75).

Overall, I think you are off to a wonderful start with this piece, and I would truly love to see you expand and flesh out the idea(s) more. :)