of Ed. Hirsch's "Posthumous Orpheus"
My Improv':
Posthumous Penelope
She refused to get out of bed, crying all day because her husband wanted nothing
to do with her. Though he had traveled, he returned. Though he lusted, he fought
for their marriage. Which is why, she knew, it was unlike Odysseus to stay away
from her this long. Three weeks she wondered if his absence translated to another
woman--but even the idea of this seemed ridiculous. If Penelope knew anything
absolute, it was beauty--that she alone possessed. Her hair fell long, red waves
like fire, powerful. Green eyes of siren, alluring as a melody. Her skin was without
flaw or blemish. She was a goddess. Yet, she wept still, haunted by things unknown
The lack of line breaks coupled with the emphasis on narrative makes this improv move like smooth and wonderful prose. I think what the draft could benefit from would be instances of jarring concision, what first came to mind was the sentence, "If Penelope knew anything absolute it was beauty--that she alone possessed." What we have know seems to add this odd element of narcissism to Penelope, which you could retain if that's what you're going for but assuming you're not I think some quick tucks would benefit: If Penelope knew anything, it was beauty. Maybe some more in the description: Hair--long waves of fire, eyes allure like siren sounds. She knew she was a goddess. I like what you're doing here. I'm glad we can go back and address Penelope, how she was feeling forced to wait at home for her adulterous husband, expected to be chaste only to have her husband return and act downright ridiculous. Anyway, please expand. I'd like to know a little more about the real Persephone--the one who lives, thinks, breathes, and misses the angst of a husband. Kudos.
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